So far, 2018 has been a lot about unpacking baggage. Some that I was ready to look at (this quilt, for one) and others that feel more like someone ripped open and dumped all my hard memories out into the present. Old ideas, old beliefs, that were well hidden and nearly forgotten about. But the social/political climate in America right now has many people uncomfortable as we look long and hard at choices we have made, action we took or didn't take, and secrets we have kept. I'm struggling a lot with this. I think it's fair to say I'm overwhelmed but functioning.
For as strong as I've gotten in these last 3 years, it seems the next level of adulting is always more challenging than the last. This past weekend Rich and I finally got to take some pics of my finished Radiating Squares quilt. Running through the yard was a much needed release from the stress of my reality-- dad had a stroke Friday night and once again I feel so very far away, both in distance and in time. I was well cared for by my chosen family though. Friends checking in, which I am so grateful for, but I had so little news to share. Even now, it still seems I am waiting, waiting. Not part of it, just watching and hurting. I don't yet know if or when I will be able to travel to see him. But in this decision, more baggage opens. If I go, am I the prodigal daughter? Am I dramatic/comic relief or am I actually helping? I have to believe that my presence means something, because if I don't, I just want to hide and shove all of these awful thoughts right back into the bag they came from.
If you're curious about how this quilt began, my old posts are here. It was part of a 2010 bee, originally inspired by a quilt I saw at the Empire Guild show in 2009.
I am right there with you, thinking, processing. I wish you peace in what you choose to unpack. The quilt is lovely. ❤❤
ReplyDeleteThis is beautiful! Can you share instructions on how to make it? My teen daughter is in love with it and would like to make one!
ReplyDeleteThank you! the block tutorial is in this old blog post: http://roseylittlebee.blogspot.com/2011/01/new-years-resolutions.html
Deleteassemble blocks and add borders. Make it however big you want. And please share pictures when you've gotten the project underway!
Wow - this quilt turned out amazing! Thank you for sharing this brave, very personal post. Your sharings assure us that we're not alone in our inner struggles with past beliefs and family members. I'm sorry about your father and the uncertainties it dredged up for you - but you sound like someone who will move through the time with grace, whatever you choose to do.
ReplyDeleteThat’s one gorgeous quilt design and finish! So sorry to read about your dad and I hope he recovers swiftly and knows he is loved and that you care. I understand your trepidation about a visit and how difficult it is to chose one of the other. Listen to your heart then follow it’s instruction for the best outcome is in there waiting to be recognized. ❤️
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