Monday, February 22, 2016

I am still a quilter even though I'm not quilting.

Yesterday a friend asked me, "What project are you working on?"
and I said, "I'm not."

I have been taking some time to sort out the new sewing space and in doing so, I'm letting my mind wander.  See.  Touch.  Accept.
Every day I come back to the piles, I see new things.  Understand more.  I am looking at the story of my life and contemplating how I feel about it.


From that conversation:
Just trying to consolidate and organize
So many of my piles and deliberate separations don't mean anything anymore.   
I see choices I made. 
How I hid and tried to find happiness in this accumulation 
Grasping at slivers of joy 
When in truth it's making that gives joy 
And using handmade that brings the most satisfaction 
I long to sew again. But the time isn't right 
I can be patient there 
I think sometimes that I could make better use of the child-free evenings, but I know exploring other parts of myself is doing me so much good.  I can't hide in the cocoon of quilting that I've lived in forever. 

Quilting was coping.  Stunted growth.
 
I need to stretch and then come back to making.
Stretch, and then come back to making.

What is me and what were the walls I had built for myself?  I am questioning everything.  It feels good to do so, though it's not easy.   It hurts less these days though, and that is good.  Spring is coming, I can smell it.  Change and growth.  I want to wash off the old ideas that don't fit anymore.  And my stash.  Ugh. Just.. why?  What was I thinking?  And then I see it.  So many times, I wasn't.  I wasn't thinking, I was feeling.  An acquisition would give a momentary rush.  A new quilt idea would distract me for another hour, another day.  But my life, where was it?  Now I see.  It's like I was sleeping and I have woken up.

Travel Quilt #6 and some public crafting

I have been working steadily on Travel Quilt #6 since last fall and it is growing.  I got a chance to piece a few units while I was in Manha...