Empty and full

Last night I sewed.  and sewed and sewed and sewed.

Yesterday my friend lost her fight with leukemia.  Her husband sent me a text around lunch.  I was in class with 9th grade.  A coworker covered for me and I ran to the bathroom to cry and let the shock set in with some privacy.
This week (this month? this summer? this year?) my mind and heart have been struggling with so many challenges.  Life choices. Changes. Possibilities and options.  None of them ideal, none perfect.  I have been consumed wondering which direction my life will take, how much effort I should put in choosing the course and how risky it is to just wait and see where circumstances lead me.

But then, she died.
And through the course of the day yesterday all of my thoughts cleared out and my heart was left with a hollow empty feeling.  Loss.  Sadness and loss.
(with a baby Jack in April, 2013)
She was a good friend.  Kind, caring, thoughtful.  She had made me many small items over the years and as I hid out with my sorrow and grief in my sewing room last night, I was struck by just how many gifts I have received.  She is all over in there.  Her friendship had permeated my life much more than I thought.  As I accidentally swiped the space bar while texting last night and switched to Japanese input, I paused and remembered how I installed it just for her.

Healing will take time.

But last night when I went to sew, the fabrics didn't look right.  I didn't know how to put them together.  My heart felt heavy.   My energy was blocked and I just sewed until it flowed through my hands and I was free, clear, and open.  Ready to accept new energy.  I let Tao fill all the places where sorrow was hiding and it felt so good to accept and let go.  To trust completely that my hands have the ability to heal my soul.  The universe will guide me.

My spiritual journey is one of the things I have hesitated to write about here, but last night it was so clear.  Making and feeling, trusting and healing are so tied together for me.  All of my quilts are healing quilts.  And that is why I will keep sewing.  Keep moving forward.  Follow Tao and trust in the path I'm on.  Action in non-action.  Things will sort themselves out as they should.

Comments

  1. Oh bless you honey. No words can make this better, but I'm sending you a big hug xx

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  2. Its just sounds wonderful that you have so many little gifts from your dear friend. Such a sad time for you and her family though. x

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  3. I am so sorry for your loss. How nice to have wonderful gifts from your friend. I love the thought that our hands can heal us. That is something I needed to hear. Thanks for sharing.

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  4. What a beautiful tribute to your friend! Her spirit will be with you and never be afraid to speak of your heart and mind!
    Prayers for you, your family and your friends family. You never get over a loss you only learn to live with a new normal.

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  5. Big hugs..... And best wishes for continued healing....

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  6. So sorry to hear of your loss. It could have been me you described in parts of your post. I quilted through some pretty rough times and yes you will come through the other side with clarity. I just let the grief wash over me and I carried on. Life does work itself out and sometimes in much better ways than you might imagine. Take time for you. Sending you a hug from the west coast.

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  7. So sorry to hear of the loss of your friend and that life has been so challenging for you. Sewing truly is such great therapy. Take care of yourself....

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  8. I'm so sorry you've suffered such a loss. You sound in this post like a woman who has found a way to be strong through life's rough times. Making does bring serenity to a troubled mind, thanks for speaking a little about that today. Blessings to you.

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  9. I'm so sorry you've suffered such a loss. You sound in this post like a woman who has found a way to be strong through life's rough times. Making does bring serenity to a troubled mind, thanks for speaking a little about that today. Blessings to you.

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  10. Mi dispiace tanto e ti capisco. Silvana Italia

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  11. Life is so sad. And so beautiful.

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  12. So sorry for your loss, but how wonderful that you had a fabulous friend like Tao in your life.

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  13. So sorry for your loss and yet, how lucky were you to have such a wonderful friend land that's something to celebrate in one way. Time heals but we don't forget the special people. X

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  14. So sorry for your loss! I hold on to the promise found in Revelation 21:4, that God will do away with death.

    21 Then I saw “a new heaven and a new earth,”[a] for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. 2 I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. 3 And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. 4 ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’[b] or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

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  15. Oh gosh, I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. My thoughts are with you & I'm glad you can find some solace in sewing.

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  16. Oh gosh, I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. My thoughts are with you & I'm glad you can find some solace in sewing.

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  17. Oh gosh, I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. My thoughts are with you & I'm glad you can find some solace in sewing.

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  18. I am so sorry for your loss. I am also sorry that this has been a tough time for you personally as well in terms of seeking a path for yourself. Know that we support you here.

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  19. I am so touched by your outpouring of love and grief for your friend. I'll be thinking of you. It's good that you can feel some comfort through your sewing.

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  20. Oh, big warm hugs to you. Yes, sewing is so healing. Blessings to you and to your friend's family.

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  21. I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your dear friend, but glad that sewing has given a release for your grief. <3

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  22. I am very sorry to hear of the loss of your sweet friend. May the Lord bring you peace, comfort, love and healing through fond memories and your sewing. (((HUGS)))

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  23. I am so sorry to read that your friend has passed on. May all your memories of times spent together bring healing and peace to your heart. I will be praying for you as well as her family for their great loss. Sending hugz across the miles to you.

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