Monday Morning Star Count, November 30, 2015

I have not even sewn one stitch this week.  I did manage to find my cutting table and mat, and it was nice to see them after what seemed like too long, but I didn't cut anything.  I didn't press anything.  I didn't do much other than ponder how I will organize my new space.

If you have stitched though, please tell us!
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Chaos vs. Routine

Chaos has been winning as of late.
I'm trying to be gentle with myself..

I love that my life has some direction now; the positive changes, the new space, the room to heal and grow.. but I crave routine.  Why is that?
Because it lowers anxiety?  There was something on WNYC this week about taxi drivers and how they decide how many hours to work each day.  Setting a goal of how much $ to make and then once they reach it, they can stop working.  The piece questioned why setting that goal is important, and it said that when the system is in place, it helps with self control.  You don't have to constantly worry and question what you should do from hour to hour.  You can coast a bit.  The system will guide you.
I'm not a taxi driver, but I really connected with that sentiment.  (the report went on to say taxi drivers can make more money if they use a slightly different system, but money making strategies are not my goal here..)

If I have a routine, I can let go a little.  I don't need to think.  I don't need to worry.  Chaos is exhausting.  Right now I'm pacing through the apartment in circles trying to remember if I've forgotten anything before I leave, and twice this week I got to the car and had to go back inside because I thought I had forgotten something.  Both times it was a false alarm, but still, chaos.

I'm not even going to mention trying to sew right now.  I can't think about it.  Well, that's not true. I do think about it.  I even bought a simplicity pattern for pajamas this week and had grand daydreams of stitching Christmas presents this year.. but... we'll see how far I get there.
The chaos v. routine thing totally applies to quilting though.  That's why EPP travel kits are so wonderful, right?  There's a system, a routine.  Pack the kit.  Baste, piece, join, repeat.  No thought.  Effortless progress.  Effortless living.

*Deep sigh*

Life will fall into place.  I trust it will.  Tao's got me.

Monday Morning Star Count, November 23, 2015

Hey, how about a little EPP?
I've been meaning to make a MMSC picture that I can post even when life doesn't let me sew, and I finally got around to it.  What do you think?

Here's the linky.  Please share your EPP progress!
Everyone is welcome to join, even basting one hexie counts!
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Home Ec Club, November meeting

I found this great felt leaf wreath craft that I had wanted to make in the first meeting of the new group of Home Ec Club members.  I was completely prepared to have a well paced session for 9 students.. but 13 signed up.  My supervisor said, "Oh, you're getting popular"  but I think the truth is that the word got out that they get to eat in Ms. Alex's club, hehe.

So, quick change of plans.  We made cranberry sauce AND the leaf wreaths.  With short bread cookies and graham crackers.. sounds perfectly November to me.

xoxo

Cricket

Her name is Cricket.

She's super affectionate even though we're still getting to know each other.  She likes to be with me when I'm home and she's already very comfortable sleeping in my bed.  I adopted her from the Town of Hempstead Animal Shelter which was a great place to work with and if I lived closer, I'd consider volunteering there.  If you are local and need a kitty, please consider them.  Their website has many many photos, videos and stories of cats that need families.  Before I adopted Cricket, I made a list of all the cats I was interested in and went in one evening to check them out.  I pet a bunch, held a few, and tried to see which had personalities that would fit with my new life, my personality, and my children.  I had brought the boys on a separate visit and they got to meet Cricket before we decided (the shelter requires all family members come for a pre-adoption visit to get acquainted with the pet).  But the night I was there on my own, I worked my way through my list, asking about each kitty I had seen online that I thought might be a potential match.  The last 3 on my list weren't there.  I was puzzled.  Isn't the website kept up to date?  The volunteer said that the cats were there at the shelter, but they did not have enough cages to keep them on display in the 3 front viewing rooms.  My heart sank.  So many cats and I could only help one.  I adopted Cricket to free up her cage for one of the others and I sincerely hope that they find good homes soon.  I think I got a good match, but the boys meet her for real tonight and I guess then we'll have a better idea.  She's 8, not a kitten, and I hope she tolerates their.. energy.   I know it will take a while for everyone to get used to the changes, but I'm an optimist.

Thank you for all the kind wishes and support on my last post.  One of the things I have become aware of in the past year is the importance of speaking up and setting boundaries.  This is crucial to have healthy relationships with anyone, and I think it applies to the blog as well.  I sincerely appreciate that you guys respected that.  When we feel comfortable and accepted, it's easier to open up and be authentic.  Thank you for making that possible for me here.
xoxo

Happily Unmarried in 5...4...3...2..

(Not the photo I had wanted, but he refused to take a selfie with me)

So.  Along with quilting and book ideas and Get Started Quilting promotions, this past year I've also spent a lot of time and energy on another project.  Costas and I have undertaken the enormous task of untangling our lives and becoming "unmarried".  If you have undergone a similar process, you have some idea of what all this entails.  Some days I clung to quilting, other days I couldn't do much more than cry and grieve.  This is a process of growth, self examination, forgiveness and above all, self love.  It wasn't easy to say "no" to my old life in order to feel comfortable saying "yes" to myself, but it was necessary, and I do feel much healthier on this new path.

The past several months have been full of what seemed like limitless uncertainty.  I'm happy that things finally seem to be falling into place, or, the options now seem somehow more manageable.  I have a new place to live, I can sink deep into the comfort of a job I love, and soon a new routine will give life shape again.  Once I unpack and set up a new sewing space (I'll be joining the ranks of kitchen table quilters!), I may even have time, space and emotional energy to post stuff again.

If you also feel the need to grieve the end of my marriage, please do so, but I will ask that you respect this space and my process.  Most days I do not feel sad and I have dealt with a lot of the anger that comes with this change.  Your expressions of regret and "I'm sorry"s really don't help me much.  Your kindness, attention and support on the other hand, I don't know how I'll get through the future without them.  I love this community and have missed its comfort.  I went through incredible emotional upheaval but didn't feel comfortable talking about it here until now.  I look forward to sharing all of my healing quilts and using both the quilting process and the act of sharing them with you to help me along the way.

Comments are open but I probably can't reply to all of them.  If you'd like to contact me by email, you are welcome to do that too-- jessunderquilts at gmail
But please be patient with me, I just moved this past weekend and I've got a lot to juggle right now.
Thanks for being with me through this.
xoxo

p.s. Oh, and.. I got a cat.